My dream of my family

I grew up in a blended home. My mom had 5 kids, 4 girls and a boy. There was quite a bit of difference in age in myself and my siblings. My dad never had anything to do with me. That was his choice, and it's one that I have learned to live with over the last 25 years. My mom got married when I was 6 or 7, I honestly don't remember exactly. My step dad has been the only father I have ever known. He's not perfect but I love him. My family is by no means perfect. He has three daughters, so in all there are 8 of us. I pretty much grew up alone. By the time I was 8 or 9 I was the only child at home. My mom is amazing. She has taught me so very much. I am the person I am today because of her. She is a strong, independent woman. She is also not perfect, but she does everything she can. I only had one grandparent growing up. My mom's mom spoiled me something fierce. I loved her to death. She died when I was 11 almost 12. I always dreamed that my children would have more than that. Morgan has been blessed with a very healthy family. He has his mom, stepdad, maternal grandparents and a great-grandfather on his mom's side. When I found out I was expecting Eliza I was so glad that our baby was going to have so much family surrounding her. My step dad is not in his best health. I love him so much, and I want nothing more than for him to know my child. And when Eliza was coming I was estatic because I knew that he would be able to be a part of her life. Now, Im scared. What if we can't pregnant again for a while, and what if by the time I do, he isn't here anymore. I never got to know my grandfather and I just didn't want that for our children. He wouldn't admit it, but he was happy I was pregnant. He would have loved Eliza. I just can't stand the idea of him not being around to see my children. I just can't lose him.