Hard Day Today

My best friend of many years gave birth to a beautiful little girl today. I could not possibly be happier for her. She was a little early, and she is very tiny, but very much so perfect. However, today has been the hardest day I have had since we lost our baby. I did pretty good. I held it together the whole time we were at the hospital. I held it together as I watched with terrible envy as she gazed at her perfect little baby. I held it together when she smiled at her daughter and said " Hi baby girl, I'm your mommy!" The moment we walked out of that room I lost it. I would not have missed being there for her today for the world, but when I walked out of that room I felt more empty than I thought was possible. My heart was aching as I walked slowly down that hallwall. All that I could think was that could have been me. That should be me in a few more months, but instead I walked out of that hospital with empty arms, an empty womb, and a broken heart. I want nothing more than to hold a precious little baby in my arms, to hold their precious fingers, to stroke their little face, and to say " Hi baby, I'm your mommy!"