I met my husband in high school. We started dating the summer before my senior year in 2003. In 2009 we got married. We waited for a while to start trying to get pregnant. In December 2010 we decided to start trying, and after I saw my doctor in February 2011 and got the go ahead, we started trying for our baby. On Mother's Day I got a positive pregnancy test, but lost that pregnancy two days later. They called it a chemical pregnancy. I was so disappointed, but we started trying again immeadiately. By September I had begun to wonder if we would ever get pregnant. I was frustrated and tired of trying. I told my husband I wanted to take a break from the trying to concieve. At the beginning of October I started to notice some nausea and breast tenderness. I just knew there was no way that I was pregnant, but my period was a full week late. So I took a HPT, just to appease my curiosity, and because I figured that once i took a pregnancy test my period would finally show. When I looked at that test my mouth literally dropped. It was such a strong positive.
We were very excited. I immeadiately got into the doctor and had an ultrasound which showed I was 5 weeks, and it showed a gestational sac but no baby yet. This was not uncommon that early in pregnancy so we were not concerned. They did however find a 10cm cyst on my left ovary. Since I had this cyst they wanted to monitor me very closely. I had weekly ultrasounds for 4 weeks. My last ultrasound was November 2, 2011, and everything was perfect. The baby was measuring 7 weeks 6 days and had a strong heartbeat of 168bpm. Even though it was still early, we decided to make the announcement that we were pregnant. It was such an exciting time. Three weeks later on November 23rd I was having terrible pain on my left side. My doctor had warned me that if I experienced pain that I needed to seek immeadiate care because my cyst could have caused an ovarian torsion. Off to the ER we went! That is when everything fell apart. They did an ultrasound to look at my ovary and make sure that everything was okay, and they came back with terrible news. My ovary was fine, but my baby was not. They could not find a heartbeat. Our precious baby was measuring right on at 11 weeks, but had died within the last few days or even hours; we will never really know for sure. The rest of the story is kind of fuzzy. My brain was clouded with grief. That Monday, November 28th, I had a D&C and laproscopic cyst removal. The cyst ended up being much larger than expected, the doctor said it was the size of a melon, and they were forced to remove my left ovary. The last few weeks have been the most difficult weeks of my life. I have been trying to deal with my grief by writing letters to our angel. I will post those letters here and share my journey with anyone who wants to walk with us. Miscarriage has for a long time been a taboo topic and I hope that I can help people understand no matter when you lost your pregnancy--you lost a child.
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| The last ultrasound of our baby! |
We were very excited. I immeadiately got into the doctor and had an ultrasound which showed I was 5 weeks, and it showed a gestational sac but no baby yet. This was not uncommon that early in pregnancy so we were not concerned. They did however find a 10cm cyst on my left ovary. Since I had this cyst they wanted to monitor me very closely. I had weekly ultrasounds for 4 weeks. My last ultrasound was November 2, 2011, and everything was perfect. The baby was measuring 7 weeks 6 days and had a strong heartbeat of 168bpm. Even though it was still early, we decided to make the announcement that we were pregnant. It was such an exciting time. Three weeks later on November 23rd I was having terrible pain on my left side. My doctor had warned me that if I experienced pain that I needed to seek immeadiate care because my cyst could have caused an ovarian torsion. Off to the ER we went! That is when everything fell apart. They did an ultrasound to look at my ovary and make sure that everything was okay, and they came back with terrible news. My ovary was fine, but my baby was not. They could not find a heartbeat. Our precious baby was measuring right on at 11 weeks, but had died within the last few days or even hours; we will never really know for sure. The rest of the story is kind of fuzzy. My brain was clouded with grief. That Monday, November 28th, I had a D&C and laproscopic cyst removal. The cyst ended up being much larger than expected, the doctor said it was the size of a melon, and they were forced to remove my left ovary. The last few weeks have been the most difficult weeks of my life. I have been trying to deal with my grief by writing letters to our angel. I will post those letters here and share my journey with anyone who wants to walk with us. Miscarriage has for a long time been a taboo topic and I hope that I can help people understand no matter when you lost your pregnancy--you lost a child.
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